So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize