worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
