whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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