with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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