Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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