I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
