nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
