i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize