someone threw a dead crab at me
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
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