walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
