I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
