why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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