So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Randomize
