i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's blow job season.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
