Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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