i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
