I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
