Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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