I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
