I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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