He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
