Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
