i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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