If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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