Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
