this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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