Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
be right there i have to get my cape
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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