I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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