Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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