I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
