I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize