That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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