Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
