Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
