So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We need a shit load of segways right now
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
