I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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