I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
