We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
