I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
