omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
