I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize