I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Four minutes until I can fart!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize