dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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