i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
