I smell stomach acid.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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