the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
