I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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