I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize