I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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