Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
