I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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