I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
