i will never coherently bang her
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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