Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We have started to decorate penises.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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