you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
