our cab driver is having phone sex.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
