the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
