We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
