I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
