my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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