The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have aggressive nipples.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
