No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
