I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
