I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
soo... how was my night?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Never joke about your clitoris.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize