Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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