so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
