Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
