he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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