Cold hands, warm shart.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
