I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
