He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
